Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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