nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
