I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
