Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
