he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
