I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will be naked everywhere
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
