If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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