Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drake has all the answers
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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