I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
