If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
