I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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