I wanna passion pit in your ass
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
