did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
