You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
