apparently the secret to your success is patron
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am available for nakedness
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
