dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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