Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
