i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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