there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
