he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
