im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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