mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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