so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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