Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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