It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
