lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
