Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
