It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
