It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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