i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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