your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
