I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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