But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
