hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
