I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
