why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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