I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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