This house was built for laser tag.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
