I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
