Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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