How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
