it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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