i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
