she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am naked and annoyed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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