Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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