ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
