THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
