Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
