He disabled his match.com account in front of me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
