Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
