I will die if light touches me.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
are you so shy because you have an std?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
