Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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