I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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