It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
