I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
