3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
