so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
