Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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