The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
